I once dated Deceit.

Some information was revealed to me yesterday -- information that made my stomach churn, information that made me want to hurl, while I stood in the middle of a loud and crowded place, with the sounds of rock 'n roll music and the smells of beer and marijuana and sweat and humid, wet pavement floating up towards the vast and empty, never-ending space above me.


Somewhere in the hazy background of that moment's reality, I believe I heard the Stone Temple Pilots perform a song my mind vaguely recognized, but all I kept thinking of -- all I could think of -- was, "My life will officially be a ridiculous sitcom if STP started singing 'Dumb Love' right now."

And here I was, going around telling people I didn't know who the Stone Temple Pilots were, when in fact, I actually knew them all along.

Now if only I could say the same about someone who was once so close to me.

Deceive yourself, you're all alone. Deceive yourself, your secret's known.

Some people disgust me so badly... but in this case, I went to bed later that night, unable to fall asleep, for I was unable to shake this piece of information out of my head, feeling so disgusted with no one else but myself for not knowing better.

Because deceit, whether it is happening then or now, is still deceit in all of its ugly form.

And I find it sad and unfortunate that ugly humans with ugly souls will rarely ever reform.

Bitter, bitter, sweet.

This past week started off on a most terrible, most wretchedly dreary note for me, just like the cold and rainy weather we had here in DC.

But when you have such amazing people in your life -- absolutely amazing people who obviously care so, so much about you -- when you have so many wonderful people and so many things to be grateful for in life, you can't really allow yourself to dwell on the negative for too long... because that would just be entirely way too silly for anyone, including myself, to be such a foul little grouch in the midst of such good luck and too many blessings.

But I do have to admit; those delicious red velvet cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcake always turn a frown upside down after just one bite. Just one. Seriously! They are that incredible. (And so is Manfriend, for always knowing how to cheer a girl up.) I get so sad every time one of my favorite flavors pops up on their secret FREE cupcake of the day because I really can't justify a $10 cab ride and a 30-minute (or longer!) wait in line for them (...yet?).

So, well, maybe it's a good thing, after all, that my firm isn't within walking distance of that place, or else I would probably be their most loyal customer.

No matter what.

"No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something,

the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all.

There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where

you should’ve been paying attention."

— Chuck Palahniuk

Oh the silly things girls will do when we're in love.

Whether it's a developing interest or the love of your life, most of us females tend to do rather silly things when we start liking someone...

Silly things like mindlessly doodling little hearts around our initials and theirs every other minute, on every blank surface we can find. Or, silly things like fantasizing about how our name would sound like, laced with their last name.

Or, if you're a curious cat like me, you start to wonder about how your future kids will look like -- and have no shame whatsoever sending the actual picture to your significant other.

(Okay, so maybe this is just me being slightly creepy, but at least I am woman enough to admit this! *cheese*.)

According to www.morphthing.com, if Manfriend and I keep doing this:

It will inevitably lead us to this:


Two things: 1) not entirely sure if it's a boy or a girl, but 2) who cares when it's such a little cutie pie, right?

All jokes aside, though, the most important thing is that the child is healthy, both mentally and physically. Looks, smarts, talent and athletic ability are secondary!

DC Eats: Ceiba

I had heard good things about Ceiba (pronounced say-bah, and not see-bah, as my ignorant self previously believed), so Christine and I made this place our next contender for our ceviche-off.

Considering the restaurant is a venture from the owners of DC Coast and TenPenh, two excellent restaurants, I was harboring high hopes for Ceiba.

Instead, I was highly disappointed -- and this is probably due to the fact that I was nursing such great expectations to begin with.

We ordered a sampling of four available ceviches (clockwise, from the top):

• Wild Striped Bass Ceviche (Spicy Rocoto Chili, Sweet Potato, Toasted Peruvian Corn)



• Peruvian Ceviche "Clasico" (Fresh Lime Juice, Red Onion, Cilantro, Aji Picante)



• Yucatan Shrimp Ceviche "Cocktail" (Pico de Gallo, Avocado, Crisp Corn Tortillas)



• Yellowfin Tuna Ceviche (Cucumber, Mango, Jicama, Aji Amarillo Lime Dressing, Crushed Cashews)

Verdict: Yes on the "cocktail" and the "clasico"; total no on the wild striped bass and yellowfin tuna. I was severely underwhelmed. While I was intrigued by the ingredients included in the last two options, both ceviches failed to deliver. I even caught myself feeling bored, while chewing. The last time I checked, food (especially slightly pricy food) is not supposed to make people want to yawn and fall asleep.

Next: The Mahi Mahi, with an accompanying paella. I don't eat fish all too often -- but I am pretty sure it's not supposed to taste like dried chicken meat, either. Hm.

But before you write me off as a Debbie Downer, or a Criticizing Connie, there were a few redeeming factors:

1. The lounge and bar area had a fun-filled, rowdy atmosphere;



2. Our server was great, and brought out several wines for us to taste before we made a decision;



3. They serve these crispy chips instead of bread;



4. Complimentary caramel popcorn at the end of every meal!



5. THE WINE (see photo above). We liked it because: it was exactly what I had asked for -- dry, not too sweet, with a smooth finish at the end.

SKIP IT or HIT IT: I wish I read other people's reviews before heading over there for dinner, because then I would have known that I should only HIT IT up for happy hour and stick to the appetizers.

***

Ceiba
http://www.ceibarestaurant.com/
701 14th Street NW
Washington, DC 20005-3206
(202) 393-3983

***

Sleepless princess.

4 a.m.

The lover is sleeping soundly in the next room, and I am sitting here, on his couch, wandering the world (wide web) on his Mac, not wearing much, thinking too much, yet once again.

...

As far as I can remember, I have always had trouble sleeping. As a child, I recall waking up in the middle of the night, wondering and worrying about many things -- too many things that a five year-old most certainly should not be wondering and worrying about.

We lived in a quiet part of a rather quiet city back then, but that didn't stop me from hearing and seeing and feeling things -- things that made me fervently believe that the Night was very much alive; that, unlike her scorned lover Day, she was mysterious, devious, thoroughly envious of his Light.

I remember those nights. On those nights, little demon childs were awaiting in the shadows, waiting for me to fall asleep so they could steal my baby brother from me. Many a times, I had to gather enough strength from my Blanket of Courage, and many a times, I had to tiptoe past the Creature in My Closet, the Dragons in my Drawers, the Dog of Death guarding the door, to get to my brother's crib. Once there, my hand then slowly, ever so slowly, reached out to him through the bars, and gently rested itself on his beating little baby heart.

And when I was absolutely sure that my little brother was safe -- that he was who he really is, and that he was still breathing evenly -- only then did I borrow a tiny piece of his peacefulness to take with me on my perilous journey back to my own little bed.

When I have a daughter of my own, I will make sure to paint Pegasus on her walls, along with an invisible but most invincible armor for my little warrior princess to protect herself. And she, too, will win the war against Night all on her own, without the help of any army or princely Knight.