Day 2 - Your Crush

Dear Crush,

Thank you for letting me "love" you then, at the tenderest age of ten, when everything I thought I knew about that word and life in general were things I had only read and seen in books and movies I had devoured in secret.

Kind of like how I "loved" you then. I devoured you and everything about you -- secretly, feverishly, obsessively -- while you went on with your days as usual, not knowing, not caring, not mine while I yearned and longed and "loved" as much as I knew how to then.

When I turned thirteen, with wants and desires violently churning on my insides, I gave in to courage and timidly laid my chapped, bleeding lips on yours.

The saddest part were your eyes once I opened mine, feeling myself returning to reality; your eyes told me everything I already knew but didn't want to know.

Years later, when I returned to the city, I learned of rumors about you and who and how and what you had become. The girlish fantasies were no longer there, but I still felt a certain kind of fondness for you -- an appreciation for your kindness, for the boy who I remembered you as, and not the man everyone told me you were now.

As I sit here, forced to remember you, writing this letter to you now, I sincerely hope you are doing well today, wherever and with whoever you are. Most of all, I hope you never forget who you were then, a boy deserving of a young girl's love when she was merely ten.

Find something.

"Find something you're passionate about and stay tremendously interested in it."

- Julia Child

Passion fades, but you can always grow and nurture your curiosities and interests.

Always.

After years of making it a personal and professional goal to be a "writer", I finally consider myself one and it just feels like ... like home. A very happy and comfy one.

Actually.

"Actually, the best gift you could have given her was a lifetime of adventures."

- Unknown

That includes love, because love is a wacky, wonderful, weird and worldly experience of its own.

Sad.

Sad that real life starts up again tomorrow, but grateful that we didn't experience any major damage or power outage from the storm.

To be honest, it was really romantic being stuck indoors together while the rain and winds howled outside, although I am definitely thankful we know exactly when and how to give each other space when we both need it.

This wedding.

This wedding. Amazing. Photography by Sean Flanigan.

We struggle.

"We struggle to teach others how to love us. In that struggle, we often forget how to appreciate the love they already give us as only they can give it."

- Nancy Taylor Robson, Chicken Soup for the Couple's Soul

My favorite aunt and uncle always recommend the greatest books to me.

When I was a rebellious teenager, my mother gifted me my first Chicken Soup book as a token of her love after she and I had an argument.

I haven't opened another one since then but these collections of short stories are still capable of inducing floods of tears from me after all these years.

Day 1 - Your Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

It's funny, these two words making up one term. 

Best. 

Friend. 

It is almost as if it has an expiration date, not to be employed once we are past elementary school.  It almost sounds slightly trite, maybe even juvenile, for two women in their mid-twenties to refer to each other as such. 

And yet, at the same time, in an age where Facebook has diluted the meaning of the word "friend", and in a world where "best" is always relative, this simple, single, sewed-together term doesn't even begin to encompass the deep, deep love and support we have had for each other over this past decade.

And the best part of our unique friendship -- the very best part, is that I know, without a doubt, that there will be many more decades to come filled with laughter and tears with you, my beautiful friend and soul sister.  I don't know what I would do without you in my life, and I can't wait to celebrate yet another wonderful, most-likely-to-be eventful birthday with you next week!

Dressing down.

Love these silly sweaters. They're both currently available on Forever21.com.

Quality time.

It's been a tough eight weeks for my first term this Fall semester, but I am so glad it is FINALLY over. Now the waiting for final grades begins and I am hoping my GPA remains just as perfectly untainted.

Let me tell you: Building a fashion start-up with three strangers-turned-partners was beyond stressful (especially while working full-time and freelancing on the side), but our (fictitious) business was deemed most viable and likely to succeed after each team presented their pitch. Yes!

To celebrate my few days of freedom until the start of the second term next week, the Fiancé and I took a short Satur-date day trip to Ladew Topiary Gardens for some quality time with each other and Mother Nature. On our way back home, we randomly stumbled on a farm/pumpkin patch and picked up some crunchy pumpkin chocolate-flavored popcorn, along with a warm apple caramel walnut pie.

We then topped off the night with dinner at a local hot pot restaurant, which fully hit the spot after an entire day outside enjoying the beautiful but brisker, cooler autumn weather.

I then agreed to get into the spirit of Halloween by watching Evil Dead II with the Fiancé. He is a horror movie JUNKIE while I am a complete pussy, scaredy cat. I screamed my head off and now I'm still awake because I'm afraid I'll have nightmares when I fall asleep.

The little things. Always the little things.

Perhaps.

“Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are.

We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing.”

— Rachel Naomi Remen

Sunday Funday.

Cup of tea; granola waffles with blueberry preserves; mixed berries yogurt; my thoughts, and my laptop.

Writing, and setting my writing schedule and assignment deadlines for the week, is what I'm doing this morning. And I couldn't be happier.

As an amazing 2012 winds down, I find myself reflecting on some important life lessons I've learned this past year...

• Don't just ask - negotiate.
• Say no to things that do not nourish you.  This includes people.
• Take control of your career, because no one else will do it for you.
• Dig deeper until you find or obtain what you want.
• No matter how hectic life can get, always carve out quality time for loved ones.  Always.

Provided the Mayans were wrong, and the world doesn't end on December 31, 2012, I am looking forward to 2013 with every single fiber in my being.  

National Book Month.

How are you celebrating it this October?

Banned books:

http://m.pinterest.com/pin/81627811967349634/

Free e-books of aforementioned banned books:

http://moneyland.time.com/2012/10/02/free-ebooks-for-banned-book-week/

I miss my book club -- which is entirely made up of various blogger friends, actually. I loved learning about marketing and advertising this term, but I can't wait for this final exam and group presentation to be done and over with already so that I can get back to reading for leisure before the next term starts up.

Also: Good people read good books. Fact.

Feel free to recommend your favorites!

Fall fun.

Finally made it out to Cox Farms today to enjoy a few hours of Fall fun in the sun. Had us some apple cider and the largest spiced apple funnel cake, ever, and the corn maze and goat village were a blast!

We were there just the two of us, and it made me miss my family so much as we were surrounded by parents, grandparents, and lots and LOTS of children today.

Two years ago I organized a family outing to the pumpkin patch at Butler's Orchard, and everyone enjoyed themselves tremendously. In fact, my relatives are still talking about it, but it's so hard to get everyone in one place these days - not to mention, I have so much on my plate right now that I really can't bother planning anything other than my own life events at the moment.

But, still. I love that the Fiancé and I make time for each other, and never wait on others for us to do things together. We've never been the type of people - much less couple - to sit at home and do nothing, so I know deep in my heart that this adventure-seeking trait will transfer over to our kids one day.

If anything, it'd probably be because we're both simply grown kids at heart ourselves.

Homeland.

"I like it when life is like that. Heightened, somehow."

Didn't expect this show to be so damn good.

Damn you, Showtime, for your Homeland marathon!

Plans deferred.

We had great plans to visit the pumpkin patch and go apple picking today -- and we still may later today -- but the Fiancé's immune system finally broke down and he caught this weeklong cold I've been carting around with me.

So what does this girl's guilty conscience do? Why, try her hand at making congee, of course. It turned out quite well for a first-timer.

I initially used the rice cooker but the rice came out, well, like rice. So I transferred it to a bigger pot and filled it with water. I then threw in two frozen fillets of tilapia and a fistful of corn and green peas, and let it cook for an additional 30 mins or so.

Can you tell I had no idea what I was doing? The porridge turned out to be delightfully yummy, with just the right consistency the second time around. It was also slightly bland, but nothing a little soy sauce and fresh black pepper couldn't fix.

While I was slaving away in the kitchen this morning, a friend whom I've worked with texted me a photo of business books. Apparently he thinks of me as a "power woman".

Little does he know that I was playing housewife-in-training this morning. What can I say? I'm a "Kim"eleon! ;)

For longer than forever.

I'll hold you in my arms.

Just noticed.

That the four most frequent tags on my blog are

(as displayed on the right-hand side of my page):

 

- random thoughts

- life

- personal growth

- love 

 

Yup, that's about right. 

 

I present to you: Ponderings in a Pod, redux.

Blurred.

I had a dream recently where I was stuck in this pink house, trying to escape.

I finally did, but realized I had a small boy with me. I ran and ran from an invisible entity behind me, and without looking back, I threw the boy to safety ahead of me. I screamed out to the blurred vision of a crowd on the other side.

Then I woke up. The frantic panic is still with me.

Love list.

Right now:

*Fall

*Fall colors

*cashmere cardigan

*sweater weather (...sweather?)

*well-worn leather riding boots

*wake-up hugs

*morning kisses

*sunlight streaming in through the curtains

*unlimited Japanese green tea

*French crepes

*outdoor dining

*women helping women

*the power of words

*the promise of amazing weekend plans

I love making lists.

I love making love lists even more.

Hyper with words.

I've long self-diagnosed myself with hypergraphia - the overwhelming, compulsive urge to write. 

My writing patterns as an adult mimic my writing patterns as a child - where I once kept multiple diaries and secret journals with pen and pencil to paper, I now log in and type out my thoughts or advice on various online platforms.  The only difference now is that I no longer look over my shoulders to see whether my mother is reading my musings or not without my permission.  

I'm not deluded enough to believe any of what I write is brilliant - not in the least.  Half of the time, it doesn't even make much sense, and the paragraphs are often riddled with tangential overtures.  To be honest, they're generally mental, internal ramblings that I desperately need to get out of my system.  Sometimes, it's because it's, well, yugen.

But most of the time, I write to capture it all, and to look back on what once was and what could be or what could have been.  Isn't that the goal of many writers and bloggers these days, in this digital age?  To keep record; to keep tabs?  And, more so than to remember, to not be forgotten?

Neglect.

I've completely neglected this here blog.  But I don't know how to come back to it.

It's like asking for forgiveness, without having a clue whether you'll actually receive it or not.

2046: "Why can't it be like before?"

I'm still not sure if it was the combination of hormones and too much wine that night, but watching Wong Kar-Wai's 2046 not too long ago left me feeling emotionally hollow and melancholic in the best way possible, even long after the credits had finished rolling. 

A bit choppy, a lot moody -- but the film's cinematography and costumes were superb and seductive, heightened by the right amount and timing dialogue and music.  The movie is actually a sequel to In the Mood for Love, which the interwebs tell me is just as beautiful a film as its second sibling, if not moreso.

Lost love and regret are themes that have been chopped up, cooked up, and served to the masses in a different million ways before, but somehow the characters of 2046 and their struggles resonated with me so much more deeply, as if I had never known pain before and their suffering were just as much as my own for the very first time. 

Oh and Zhang Ziyi looked beyond exquisite in each and every outfit.  I am so excited at wearing a qipao during my wedding reception next year.

He proposed.

And lucky, lucky me.  I get to hold on to those amazing million little moments, again and again and again.

Reliving your glory days.

I recently got to "redo" my prom experience, thanks to my company.  

Check out the event recap here.  You can "join the girls" as they Say Yes to the Prom with Monte Durham here! 

And then time keeps moving forward.

I ran into some old friends earlier over the weekend, while out celebrating my mother's birthday after mass at the National Shrine. 

It has been a few years since I have hung out with them regularly, but it was so easy to hug them and congratulate them both as they are expecting their first child soon.  The father-to-be was beaming, the mother-to-be was glowing, and my heart was smiling incessantly for the both of them.  We all marveled at how quickly time has flown by, and I remarked that in the few years since we last saw each other, these two have bought a house, gotten married, and gotten pregnant, while I have had three different addresses in the past year alone, and still no ring on that special finger yet. 

I didn't mean to come across as being a downer, or make it sound like a race -- and I sure as hell hope that they didn't think I was envious of them! -- but I am afraid it might have come across that way. 

But our conversation led me to realize that I really am genuinely happy where I am right now in my life.  I love walking to work every morning, I am proud to be part of an extremely creative and innovative company, I enjoy my studies tremendously, and I don't even know where to start in regards to my amazing family, friends, and Manfriend.  In between, I have had unique opportunities to give back to the community, starting with teaching a law class this Thursday (at my old highschool, no less!) and speaking on behalf of the breast cancer clinic I advocate for this Saturday at a school event.  Next month, I'll be one of 36 "personal shoppers" who will be helping underprivileged highschool girls pick out their perfect prom dress and accessories at my work.

My conversation with my old friends also made me realize that, despite my fears of not becoming a good wife or a good mother or even a good leader, I really do want all of these things, one day.  And I have faith that, in due time, with the hard work I put in now, I'll be ready for that "one day" when it arrives!

Celebrating Valentine's Day: Read together.

Whether it's separate books, or the same one; whether it's done quietly side-by-side, or out loud to one another -- reading is cool; reading together is even better.

Celebrating Valentine's Day: Learn a love language.

Je t'adore. 

(But it doesn't have to be French: The 5 Love Languages.)

Celebrating Valentine's Day: Tell them how much you love them.

With your very own Hallmark-worthy creation.

Celebrating Valentine's Day: Wear something frisky.

Then get cheeky, just for him.

Celebrating Valentine's Day: Enjoy breakfast in bed.

Yes, please.  

Cooking -- with you, and for you.

I think I am one of the luckiest girls out there, as Manfriend loves to cook -- and he's a great one, at that.  On one of our earliest dates, he made me a delicious Thai-themed three-course meal, with pork spring rolls, red curry duck, and a medley of mango desserts.  I remember telling myself to wait at least a week to officially fall in love with him after that night's dinner!

Some of my favorite moments in our relationship involve us simply cooking together.  Whether it's a quick breakfast on lazy Sundays, or more elaborate recipes inspired by our foodie cravings du jour, I really love the time we spend in his (and sometimes my) kitchen.  Mind you, cooking was probably one of my least enjoyable activities before I met him -- and, admittedly, it still kind of is -- but he has been such a wonderful, patient, and humble teacher, that his enthusiasm for picking out the right spices and slicing and dicing vegetables just the right way has quietly transferred onto me over the past two years. 

Since living on my own, it has truly been a daunting task to force myself to cook for, well, myself.  To be quite honest, there are days where I am eyeing my stash of cookies and other assorted snacks and I come very, very close to qualifying them all as "dinner".  (Oh, the shame!) 

But I have also realized that the better I eat, the more energy and focus I have at work and at school.  This knowledge alone has really helped fuel my desire to eat healthy and be more careful about what I feed my body.  The fact that I am now paying my way towards a graduate degree has also reinforced my willingness to save money by cooking at home, versus eating out. 

So far, my repertoire mainly consists of chicken and vegetable soup and a variety of pastas.  I know, nothing to brag, but coming from someone who previously only knew how to make omelets and scrambled eggs, I'm excited to see what I can cook up next!

Someday, I'll find the right words.

The other night, I had a dream where I was standing at the edge of a precipice, the world stretched out far and wide and never-ending and everlasting below me.  And when I was presented with the choice to have it all, I chose him.


I was given the world, and all I wanted was him.  Yet somehow, I still can't find the right words to embody that feeling.

Time for another tattoo, perhaps.

2012: The Year of the Dragon.

The great thing about being Vietnamese is that we get to celebrate the new year twice. Regular New Year started off on the wrong foot for you? Well, here's a chance for you to get back on track.

The Year of the Rabbit brought with it some ups and downs for me last year, but I found out how resilient and strong I am as I not only bounced back (like a bunny!) from each and every obstacle, I also found clarity and meaning through each challenge. As a result, 2011 brought with it tremendous lessons and opportunities for growth in several areas of my life, and I am grateful for each and every one of them.

The Dragon is known to be a symbol of good fortune and intense power, so this year will prove to be fruitful for new endeavors, partnerships, and the strengthening of existing relationships and accumulation of wealth for many. If you've been nursing and working on a lifelong dream like I have, this is the year to make an exciting splash.

Best wishes to you all for the greatest of successes and happiness in 2012!

Swan princess shoes.

Was browsing around the web and stumbled on these breathtakingly gorgeous swan embellished white satin pumps from Manolo Blahnik.

Despite its astronomical price, I added it to the "Future Wedding Inspiration" folder under "Bridal Dress & Accessories" -- until I landed on Bergdorf Goodman's description of the item and found out that Bella wore it to her own wedding in the latest Twilight movie. Um. That fact alone made me delete every single saved photo of the shoe from my files.

Manolo, of the Carrie Bradshaw/Sex and the City fame: you are utterly shameless.

In other non-designer shoe news, I finally found the most perfectly understated yet ridiculously sexy pair of black pumps while shopping with Manfriend yesterday. Ever since I lost my staple black suede peep-toes sometime last year, I have been on a persistent hunt for a worthy new replacement. As my luck would have it, I was thrilled to find out that the store had one last pair in my size.

My new 5-inch heeled babies make my legs look deliciously long and toned, and I danced, danced, danced the night away in them yesterday at a new club in the city, surrounded by some of my favorite people in the world. I can't wait to don them again for Valentine's Day for a night out on the town with my love (Mother Nature, pleasepleaseplease cooperate). Already got a fiery hot dress ready! ;)

At some point in life.

At some point in life the world's beauty becomes enough.  You don't need to photograph, paint or even remember it.  It is enough.

- Toni Morrison

Embracing another New Year.

For 2012, I'll be living the life I always imagined -- waking up with the sun, going above and beyond at work, doing my best in school, wander around the city, traveling to others, spending time with my loved ones, kissing the man who has my heart, laughing with my girlfriends, making time for writing, reading every night before bed.

What more could anyone ever want?