Marketing Consultant for hire

Welps. 14 days into the new year and I got laid off along with some other colleagues across various departments. 

I knew it was coming and yet I still reacted fairly strongly to the experience; anger, betrayal, sadness. 

But then, once those emotions passed through me like an initial bullet searing through skin and muscles and body, barely just missing my heart, I found myself breathing again, slowly, less heavily, with more and more relief.

Happiness, even. Happy for a new beginning, another chance, a different perspective.

Funny, because <a href = "http://money.cnn.com/pf/best-jobs/2012/snapshots/2.html">CNN Money</a> ranked "marketing consultant" as the #2 best job back in 2012, with a projected 40%+ growth over a period of 10 years -- and a loud and clear warning that "there is no such thing as job security" here.

Severance and unused vacation hours aside, 2015 is going to be my year for an even better hustle. 

Let's go.

Being a girl.

Becoming a woman. It's sort of overrated in some ways, isn't it? I'll always be a girl at heart -- a hint of wildness; a glint of mischief; always curious.

Annual review.

My current company's annual performance review process is slightly different from what I'm used to with my previous employers. Whereas most people receive their bonuses and raises at the end of the year, we receive them in the first quarter of the following one.

I'll admit it wasn't particularly helpful coming up on the holidays in my first year here with no extra funds for Christmas presents, but then I realized, most (if not all) of my bonuses have always gone straight into my savings accounts anyway, so actually receiving it was more for peace of mind than anything.

Peace of mind. Now that we've purchased a home together and considerably depleted our bank accounts in the process (damn that down payment and closing costs!), I think I've subconsciously started to worry more about things that I previously wasn't as worried about, like job security.

Actually, I'm mostly just worried about job security -- especially in this economy, nothing's ever guaranteed, although TIME reports things are looking slightly better. That, and the CEO of my company recently extended his employment contract for another six years here, so I'll take my and Husband's decision to move to MD as a good sign of things to come.

I realized over the weekend that I've been, more or less, working since high school, when I was 15. My first foray into being an entrepreneur involved teaching piano to my grandmother's neighbor's children, while my first "real", tax-paying job was as an activities assistant at the nursing home down the street.

Although it's been well over a decade since those very first paychecks, and I've gone down many other paths since then, I still feel so lost and unsure -- and, most damning of all, still unfulfilled.

Reflecting back, I've only experienced true happiness -- that is, true bliss where my professional work and life is concerned -- in very short, very infrequent bursts since those early days.

Admittedly, those enjoyable moments have been more frequent in recent years, through freelancing projects and school. My thesis topic, also, brings me much joy and passion as much as it makes me feel anxious and stressed out as graduation inches closer and closer.

But the fact remains that I've always felt this constant, incessant need to "find my calling", so to speak, and that void remains glaringly, largely unfilled. A feeling most characteristic of my generation, perhaps, but even more so, a feeling most characteristic of creative, wild souls like mine, more probably.

May 2014 get me there.

Moving on.

Around this time last year, I was packing up my things and relinquishing the keys to my 'single girl apartment'.

This year, the Husband and I have been purging our things while packing up together. Throughout it all, I kept asking myself at least a dozen times, "How in the fuck, did I accumulate so much shit, in so little time?!"

We've also been sprucing up our current place (this included everything from painting to caulking to replacing all the hardware -- I'm such a handy(wo)man, now!) for our new tenant who was, thankfully, incredibly flexible and patient with last-minute schedule changes that were beyond our control. God bless her heart.

Everything happened in less than a month, and with the holiday season taking up half of that time, I could not have been more grateful and relieved that everything fell into place the way they did, when they did.

It seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life -- some calm before the storm; small, fleeting glimpses of beauty amongst the chaos; rainbows, after torrential rains.

It has been both exhausting and exhilarating. I'm definitely excited, sure, but to be honest, I'm really looking forward to just enjoying the dust settling soon, too.

He proposed.

And lucky, lucky me.  I get to hold on to those amazing million little moments, again and again and again.

Cooking -- with you, and for you.

I think I am one of the luckiest girls out there, as Manfriend loves to cook -- and he's a great one, at that.  On one of our earliest dates, he made me a delicious Thai-themed three-course meal, with pork spring rolls, red curry duck, and a medley of mango desserts.  I remember telling myself to wait at least a week to officially fall in love with him after that night's dinner!

Some of my favorite moments in our relationship involve us simply cooking together.  Whether it's a quick breakfast on lazy Sundays, or more elaborate recipes inspired by our foodie cravings du jour, I really love the time we spend in his (and sometimes my) kitchen.  Mind you, cooking was probably one of my least enjoyable activities before I met him -- and, admittedly, it still kind of is -- but he has been such a wonderful, patient, and humble teacher, that his enthusiasm for picking out the right spices and slicing and dicing vegetables just the right way has quietly transferred onto me over the past two years. 

Since living on my own, it has truly been a daunting task to force myself to cook for, well, myself.  To be quite honest, there are days where I am eyeing my stash of cookies and other assorted snacks and I come very, very close to qualifying them all as "dinner".  (Oh, the shame!) 

But I have also realized that the better I eat, the more energy and focus I have at work and at school.  This knowledge alone has really helped fuel my desire to eat healthy and be more careful about what I feed my body.  The fact that I am now paying my way towards a graduate degree has also reinforced my willingness to save money by cooking at home, versus eating out. 

So far, my repertoire mainly consists of chicken and vegetable soup and a variety of pastas.  I know, nothing to brag, but coming from someone who previously only knew how to make omelets and scrambled eggs, I'm excited to see what I can cook up next!

2012: The Year of the Dragon.

The great thing about being Vietnamese is that we get to celebrate the new year twice. Regular New Year started off on the wrong foot for you? Well, here's a chance for you to get back on track.

The Year of the Rabbit brought with it some ups and downs for me last year, but I found out how resilient and strong I am as I not only bounced back (like a bunny!) from each and every obstacle, I also found clarity and meaning through each challenge. As a result, 2011 brought with it tremendous lessons and opportunities for growth in several areas of my life, and I am grateful for each and every one of them.

The Dragon is known to be a symbol of good fortune and intense power, so this year will prove to be fruitful for new endeavors, partnerships, and the strengthening of existing relationships and accumulation of wealth for many. If you've been nursing and working on a lifelong dream like I have, this is the year to make an exciting splash.

Best wishes to you all for the greatest of successes and happiness in 2012!

Embracing another New Year.

For 2012, I'll be living the life I always imagined -- waking up with the sun, going above and beyond at work, doing my best in school, wander around the city, traveling to others, spending time with my loved ones, kissing the man who has my heart, laughing with my girlfriends, making time for writing, reading every night before bed.

What more could anyone ever want?

Moving on.

I am getting ready to move once again, right after the New Year. It will be my fourth move in less than a year, but I am quite excited for this new space. 

The apartment itself is old, and nothing to brag about. But it is a gated complex, with free parking, pool, and gym; shopping, food, and movie theater nearby in downtown suburbia, and ten-minute walking distance from work. But even better than that, I will be getting the master bedroom, which is bathed in an abundance of bright, natural light, generous closet real estate, and my own bathroom. 

I haven't started to pack my belongings yet, but am already imagining how I will make this new place my own. I went through so, so much this past year, but I am grateful for each and every moment. It made this life mine, and it is with a peaceful heart that I am welcoming the new year.

Cheers to 2012.

Metamorphosis.

Remember your name. Do not lose hope—what you seek will be found. Trust ghosts. Trust those that you have helped to help you in their turn. Trust dreams. Trust your heart, and trust your story.

- Neil Gaiman

Lots of change in my life these days - and yet, so much remains the same.

Where would you go?

I've been with my firm for nearly three years. I now have three days left here.

It still feels surreal that I am, indeed, leaving.

My new boss insisted that I take the next week off before joining my new team and company, and... well...

I am not really sure what I will do, or where I will go during my mini-vacation -- if I had endless financial reserves at my disposal, I would have flown to Greece or Rome.

But some reason, renting a cute little Volkswagen bug, and embarking on a solo roadtrip with no real destination, seems like an attractive (and perhaps likely) option right at this moment.
 
Who knows where I will end up from here on out.

Inspiration and collaboration.

Karl Lagerfeld's designs are coming to Macy's nationwide on August 31 for a fraction of the luxury brand's price. His sketches above aren't exactly what I expected from him, but they're making my head turn with ideas and inspiration.

I've selectively shared my vision and goals with two more friends whom I admire and respect deeply. I think with any venture, big or small, you need to build support for it while also being open for constructive criticism. Too often, we are so focused on what we are trying to achieve, we get tunnel vision, or become caught in the unrealistic expectations we've built for ourselves.

As I move forward, I am finding people who will not only listen to what I have to say, but will also share their concerns/advice that will come from a well-meaning, well-intentioned place, versus stemming from jealousy or competitiveness. That's the very worst.

The wheels are in motion.

“The world is changing and it’s up to us to play an active role in it. If we passively live our lives, the universe will act accordingly.”

– Jessica Krewson, FIDM Graphic Design Alumna and Art Director of Yogi Times

I've had an idea for a very long time now. The first person whom I first shared it with is someone who loves me and supports me greatly. The first stranger I recently let in on my secret told me she strongly believed in me.

The wheels are now in motion. I have been doing my research, attending workshops, reaching out to my network, asking questions, observing and learning from those who have been down this road before me.

These days, I wake up feeling excited again.

The seed has been planted. Now it's up to me to nurture it and let it grow.

There are no wrong turns.

Things have not been easy. And my heart doesn't realize it's still hurting so deeply until I am alone, in the dark.

In the darkness, the silence whispers to me stories of memories and moments with you. In the darkness, I can't pretend to forget; the sobs escaping my chest are reminders that I will always remember.

It's painful, when you realize that some journeys are meant to be traveled on your own; that in order to go forward, you must leave certain things, people, or places behind. There's always the tendency and desire to hold on, but I've learned time and time again that you cannot move on without letting go. Otherwise, you risk betraying your own soul; your own potential to grow.

But there has always been something freeing in getting lost. For oftentimes, it is while getting lost that we usually find our own way again.

I'm finding my own way again. And up ahead, where I am heading, there are no wrong turns.

Summer livin'.

Growing up, summer meant climbing and swinging off trees, racing my bike down hills all day, and spending all of our money on candy and Mr. Freezies from the mom-and-pop convenience store a few blocks down the street.

I can't remember the last time I felt like I had all the time in the world like I did back then, but I resolve to get back in touch with my inner child in the next few months.

Inspired by Emily from Cupcakes and Cashmere's summer to-do list, here is my very own for my first summer of DC livin':

1. Relax after a busy work week at Jazz in the Garden at the National Gallery of Art Sculpture Garden [DONE - 6/24/11 & 7/29/11].
2. Medidate with old and potentially new friends in the Moongate Garden at the Smithsonian National Museum of African Art.
3. Visit the Newseum. [DONE - 6/12/11]
4. Watch a movie -- or several -- outdoors. [DONE - 6/12/11]
5. Practice my photography on still life or people.
6. Ride around the city, thanks to Capital Bikeshare.
7. Kayak during sunset on the Potomac River on Jack's Boathouse Twilight Tour.
8. Check out a beer garden.
9. Wander around the Eastern Market for fresh produce and various trinkets.
10. Take a cooking class, in the hopes that it will lead me to cooking more in general.
11. Take a sewing class, and attempt to make my own sundress(es). (But not before donating lots of old clothes to Goodwill, first!)

And, needless to say, there will be plenty of pool parties, BBQs, and roadtrips with friends in between!

Words will heal you when you are broken.

Years ago, someone rather useless told me one, single useful thing.

You must write it all out, she had said, when I told her what initially brought me to her cold and sterile office.

You must write it all out to clear your head before bed, even if it's imperfect or doesn't make any sense or makes you angry or cry, or breaks your heart or makes you feel like a complete and utter fool.

Write it out. Read aloud what you've written. Then tear it up, throw it away, forget it. It won't solve the problem, but at least you will get to sleep a little more soundly that night.

And then, just maybe, you will find that things will be better in the morning.

She said something to that effect, all in one breath, in the most indifferent and nonchalant of ways, but of course not nearly as lengthy because we all know therapists of the traditional kind never really say much. Their job is to ask more from you than what you'd like or care to share or expose.

And so I was scared to talk to another one again recently. But that ship has since left the shore, and to my small surprise, this new one is letting me set my own sails, steer my own way. With this one I have complete control. The conversation flows easily, gently, without any judgment.

I don't know when I'll see land again, but for the moment I am content just floating along, working my way through the storms.

And the saying goes, "Keep calm, and carry on."

Ghost. I've been a total ghost this past week and a half, as I struggle to make sense of what has happened; to accept that it did happen; to confront the fact that the road ahead, wherever it may lead, is mine and mine alone to start walking down.

Because like all else in life, "this, too, shall pass." Life is impermanent, my mother reminded me tonight, as she held me and I forgave her and let my sobs and tears wet the front of her sweater.

It will be a long and arduous process. Already, nothing has been easy. And already, I've been cruel and unfair and dishonest; needy and desperate and insecure and just basically all sorts of other adjectives most people would avoid. But despite the listless and hapless feelings permeating my being these days, hopeless has never once been one of them at all.

And so, all is therefore not lost. And for that, I have to thank my no-longer-a-teenager brother, closest girlfriends, and new friends for it the most.

This, too, shall pass.

DARKNESS DOESN’T resent the dawn for making such a racket. Darkness settles back on its haunches and waits. Darkness knows the light will exhaust itself by evening.

- SY SAFRANSKY'S NOTEBOOK (The Sun Magazine, MAY 2011 | ISSUE 425)

Crossing that bridge.

I want to. I really, wholeheartedly, heartbreakingly want to. But I can't do it - I won't do it, if you won't be waiting on the other side.

Choosing happiness.

It's a decision.