Should'ves, could'ves, would'ves.

Someone close once said to me, "That's the problem with being 'good at everything'. You can't decide on doing one thing."

So true. At least in my case.

Due to me battling sickness and the entire city battling the snow these last few days, I've been stuck indoors, doing a lot of thinking. 

I'm coming up on my last year of my twenties soon and there is a significant part of me that feels like I've wasted it. Because I did. 

I spent almost three years working in a soul-sucking job even when I knew I no longer wanted to become a lawyer. 

And even though I love my current company, I am still working in a legal capacity, which goes back to my notion of wasting time -- when you know you shouldn't be doing something, for whatever reason, but you do it anyway, out of a misplaced sense of obligation or responsibility or pride.

That's the worst kind of wasting, because it is the kind that is done out of cowardice, and a lack of courage, and fear of change. This kind brings with it its own subtle taste of bittersweet and sadness, because you thought you were better, and more brave, and ambitious than this.

But, 2014. From the very beginning I knew 2014 was going to be different somehow. 

Somehow. I just need to figure out how.

We will see.