Semantics.

A work conversation about extra income:

Supervisor:I would need to file a business license, and start reporting taxes, and it's such a headache.

Me: You could always say it's not a business -- it's a hobby that pays.

Supervisor: ... tell me why you didn't want to become a lawyer again.

Our new accountant had a ball filing our taxes this year.

The sweetest thing.

It's been really rough and I broke down sobbing and dryheaving last night because I felt so weak and exhausted and scared. 

Husband just held me and talked to me in a way only he can; that there is no use worrying until we see the doctor again tomorrow for a more recent status update and go over the latest results together with a medical professional who knows better.

Tonight he went over to fix a leak at my uncle's and grandparents' house, but not before he got me more comfort food and some oil and made sure to wait for me to come back home from work to give me a quick hug first. 

I really don't know how he ended up in my life and me in his as husband and wife, but I'm always so grateful and thankful, and hope that we will continue to have more happy moments together rather than sad ones.

Neil Gaiman.

He's coming to DC next Friday and I have tickets to go see him! 

(!!!) 

(!!!!!)

Fan-girling so badly, yes.

Listening to the rain.

Becoming one with the universe.

I've been thinking of writing more publicly again. 

This blog spans years of my life but it never had a concrete goal -- which was and yet wasn't and still isn't the point, when I really think about it.

Aside from the increasingly plentiful, cryptic personal rants as of late -- a must, I've long realized, for me to pump and dump in order to free up limited emotional and mental space for writing and being creative in my day job -- I've noticed patterns in topics that intrigue me. The intellectual in me wants, and needs, a place to explore, analyze, and compartmentalize these topics more thoroughly to my little heart's content.

Most of all, I'm a collector -- of thoughts, ideas, memories, books, things.  

We'll see.

The middle of nowhere.

I feel suspended in time right now.

I'm trying not to worry, but it's so, so hard.

It helps sharing the news with the ones you love most, and who love you just as much, if not more, in return. They pray and think of you when you don't have the ability and clarity of mind to.

This kind of news changes people. They do everything they can to ease your mind off of things; they tell you what they've lived through and learned and do their best to reassure you even though you haven't asked for it; they let things go instead of holding on to petty matters because there's so much hope, so many beginnings, a new chapter in this kind of news. 

It's like a collective armor of love and faith against bad karma or luck or whatever other evil lurks in the shadows. 

That writing life.

This was the first week where I started to feel frustrated with a highly visible project. 

The goal kept changing and there were too many cooks in the kitchen.

Feelings were hurt. Time was wasted. And I found myself missing the mark, writing the wrong things, again and again, depending on who you talked to and what their moods were like that day.

But then a parent friend reached out, expressing her excitement over the discovery of our company's products and our newest curriculum, and I realized that it is all part of the process. At the end of the day, we are doing something amazing. Our mission is important. My words mean something. My work is impactful.

Then I wrapped up three more deadlines nearly a week ahead of schedule, and spent the rest of my Friday afternoon chatting while nibbling on stinky cheese and bidding a farewell to a coworker whom I felt like I've known for years instead of months.

I'm right where I'm supposed to be. 

Your health is everything.

This past week was a tough one, following a few hours spent in the ER the week prior. 

It was scary not knowing and even more stressful trying not to worry and stop wondering.

I finally took it easy and worked from home two Fridays ago, whereupon I called over a dozen doctors' offices in between tasks and emails to explain to them the unfortunate timing and circumstances I currently found myself in.

Half of them didn't have openings until the summertime. The other half were currently not accepting new patients. One of them even rejected me with "patient restrictions based on age and/or gender" as one of three listed reasons.

And then just as I was feeling at my lowest, I somehow managed to get in with a provider five minutes away from our home. 

He's not the best with bedside manners. But he knows what he's doing. More importantly, he gives it to me straight and in turn, I was told I was his most honest patient as we walked through my health history together.

I am due back in two weeks v. the typical monthly check-ins at this juncture; two appointments lined up for both that Friday and Monday, and then we'll go from there. 

That's the only thing we can do, really, from this point forward. Go from there.

It's frustrating. I am hoping. Maybe even praying.

A miracle.

I was on the phone with my sister-in-law the other day, both of us laughing out loud at her musing that she "misses being pregnant", when I remembered that she went on to give birth to two healthy, ultra-smart kids after battling a rare form of cancer. Twice.

The human body and spirit is so amazing. I can only hope for mine to be that strong and unbreakable someday. 

Lean together.

I gush enough about my husband to anyone who wants and doesn't want to hear, but I feel like the luckiest person --not just woman, but person -- in the world to have found him as my life partner. 

I feel for single girlfriends and acquaintances when they complain about the lackluster men they've encountered or, worse still, are still keeping around for whatever reason or another. 

Sure, I've been there but therein lies my point: 

I've been there. I'm not still there.

It's therefore hard for me to understand why someone can't simply just move on or let go when someone they are seeing or dating no longer nourishes them or even remotely fits or fulfills their wants and needs. 

I learned that lesson at 20, and have never looked back -- this applies to relationships just as much as friendships. 

It also saddens me when friends start lying to themselves about what their biggest desires are, simply because they (falsely) believe they cannot attain them. 

If it is marriage you are looking for, look for qualities and a foundation you can build on, not borrow or steal away from someone else. If it is only a good time that you want for a night or month, then accept it and learn from it and enjoy it. 

One of my biggest goals for this year was to be more empathetic and patient, but there are times where the same conversations, the same points of contention, come up again and again and I feel like the person asking for advice, again, is a complete ask-hole. And so I feel the need to serve them my regular dose of candid thoughts when all they really wanted was for us to lean in together, me supporting them in their decisions or inactions.

I recently learned there is a designation for my kind: smug marrieds, apparently, because we've somehow forgotten how hard it is to be single and dating. 

But that is precisely where they are wrong: you never forget how hard it was being single and dating, for the exact reason that you will NEVER forget how hard and discouraging it was to find your person. But in order to do that, you have to move on. 

Do you want to find your person? Then stop tethering yourself to someone who isn't. 

The Age of Adaline

Blake Lively is a gorgeous being, but I haven't bought in to her acting (yet). 

Considering the first and only time I was somewhat moved by her performance was during Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, I've always been more excited to see the actress' next style picture rather than her next motion picture. 

But her latest, The Age of Adaline, currently sounds/looks compelling, mainly because I have a soft spot for old world souls and time traveling plots. 

It also may be a coincidence that I once shared with the best friend that, if/when I have a daughter of my own, I'd love to name her a very similar-sounding name. 

The film is being released later this month. Will you watch it?