I feel for single girlfriends and acquaintances when they complain about the lackluster men they've encountered or, worse still, are still keeping around for whatever reason or another.
Sure, I've been there but therein lies my point:
I've been there. I'm not still there.
It's therefore hard for me to understand why someone can't simply just move on or let go when someone they are seeing or dating no longer nourishes them or even remotely fits or fulfills their wants and needs.
I learned that lesson at 20, and have never looked back -- this applies to relationships just as much as friendships.
It also saddens me when friends start lying to themselves about what their biggest desires are, simply because they (falsely) believe they cannot attain them.
If it is marriage you are looking for, look for qualities and a foundation you can build on, not borrow or steal away from someone else. If it is only a good time that you want for a night or month, then accept it and learn from it and enjoy it.
One of my biggest goals for this year was to be more empathetic and patient, but there are times where the same conversations, the same points of contention, come up again and again and I feel like the person asking for advice, again, is a complete ask-hole. And so I feel the need to serve them my regular dose of candid thoughts when all they really wanted was for us to lean in together, me supporting them in their decisions or inactions.
I recently learned there is a designation for my kind: smug marrieds, apparently, because we've somehow forgotten how hard it is to be single and dating.
But that is precisely where they are wrong: you never forget how hard it was being single and dating, for the exact reason that you will NEVER forget how hard and discouraging it was to find your person. But in order to do that, you have to move on.
Do you want to find your person? Then stop tethering yourself to someone who isn't.
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