Something.

Something in the air these days is telling me that this season is coming to an end. I notice the leaves, waiting impatiently to change their colors. I hear the wind blowing, getting extremely restless.

A transition is on its way, and I look around, giving a silent nod to those who sense it, too.

My birthday crept up on me this year, making its arrival on a rather uneventful and unassuming Wednesday this week. And although I am feeling a little nostalgic, I am embracing this upcoming age with open arms.

I am excited to move on, and am learning not to hold on anymore -- to time; to mistakes; to moments; to youth.

My mother never fails to remind me that she had me at 25. And even though she was much more innocent and child-like at that age than I am now, she is endlessly more fearless, and persistent, and much more resilient than I will ever be. There is just no comparison, and my heart swells when I remember and recount all the sacrifices she's had to make over these last decades.

So much suffering. So much pain. And yet, she still went on, because she never made it about her.

It was never about her. It was always about us, and it was always about her love for us.

Love. It's the one thing that can keep us going from one season to another, I think.

How many times?

Each time we don't say what we want to say we're dying. Make a list of how many times you died this week. - Yoko Ono






(All photos taken with my Canon Rebel XSi this past Sunday, while on a rainy day trip to Longwood Gardens in Pennsylvania.)

Sometimes.

Sometimes, I tell myself not to be too happy, in case something horribly tragic happens, and the fall from this up high would hurt too much and crush me to the point of no reassembly.

I lie there, at night, studying the lines defining his face, listening to his breathing, feeling his heart beating while he sleeps. And I lie there, sometimes, wondering if I will be good enough of a mother to his children, someday. If I will be strong enough to remain by his side should he ever get very, very sick, down the line. If I will be resourceful enough to keep everything and everyone together, should disaster ever strike our family.

I lie here, wondering if I will still be able to be and give him my very best, even when I feel nothing else but my very worst.

But that's just sometimes. The rest of the time, I embrace it all and just shrug off these pessimistic little voices inside my head.

A moment.

Life has been well, yet exhausting, on many levels.

Exhausting, not only in terms of the actual brainwork that I have to do, but rather, the range of personalities I have come across and have had to deal with on so many occasions, in so many differing situations, in the last few weeks. Sensitivities; misunderstandings; egos; what else.

We are such complicated creatures, us humans and our natures. And although I usually try to sympathize and be more compassionate, there are times where I just want to cut off all contact, no matter what or how much someone brings to the table.

Because at the end of the day, an asshole's just an asshole, and a bitch is just a bitch, no matter who he is, or who she knows.

But I am being unfair. For every unfortunate being I come across, there are ten others whose presence I thoroughly enjoy and admire. And that's the secret to a happy person, living a happy life: you make the good stuff count for more than the bad stuff, that's all.

I had a moment, a few days ago. One of those moments where your heart swells to such great heights, and you don't know what prompted it, exactly. The stress? The gratitude? The hopes, and pride, and anticipation for what's to come, perhaps?

I will say this, though: never rush something simply to "get it done". Take your time. Enjoy your life. Perfect your craft, pursue your passions. Don't put your name on anything that isn't up to your level of quality and professionalism.

Because Rome wasn't built in one day. Nor did the Michaels become the stars that they are, overnight.


And when you fail, be sure to surround yourself with those who will lift you up and who will never, ever let you stay down.

In other exciting news: I received my Canon Rebel XSi yesterday, and have been... fairly obsessed with it. Can't wait to play with my new toy and share with you all the photos I have been brewing up in my head soon.