There's family, and then there's even more family.

I am getting ready to send this Christmas picture of my family to Manfriend's parents (the penguin was temporarily replacing our baby puppy Sparky), and I am starting to miss all of them tremendously.

My mommy, my daddy. His mom, his dad. My brothers, my dog. His sister, and her darling kids. I can't wait for them to all meet someday soon. Sometime this upcoming year, perhaps? I'm only writing this because the people over at Mervis Diamond Importers curiously sent me an intriguing little card in the mail today...

Um. What? Apparently, someone knows something I obviously don't know. I am slightly peeved that they've ingrained the reality of a proposal so much deeper into my head and heart now, because you totally know this is going to be the very first thought that will cross my mind when I wake up each and every single morning from now on.

...

No, but seriously. Why. Why would they do that to me?! Le sigh. In other news, I should probably make "keeping my nails pretty and lady-like" a number one priority in the next few months. Wouldn't want him to slip it on a grubby-looking finger now, would we?

And so who wants to go on living forever.

As beautiful and wonderful the holiday seasons always are, I usually find myself in severe want of "me" time quickly thereafter; a necessary detox, to savor the peaceful quiet after the storm. And as the end of 2010 plants a kiss on me before it tiptoes its way out the door, there's not much else I'd like to do more than spend these last few days of the year finishing up a good bottle of wine, wearing next to nothing by a warm and cozy fireplace, doing mostly nothing but read, think, reflect, and write.

2010 was a tremendously good year, with so much good to be found and enjoyed in so many moments, people, and places. So many passions and interests were pursued, and so many personal and professional goals were achieved. And, despite a few unfortunate losses and decisions to let live and let go, there have been many memories that I've come to hold very close and dear to my heart; many experiences and lessons to remember, always.

But perhaps one of the best feelings that I am bringing with me into the new year is this realization of knowing -- and I mean truly, deeply, genuinely knowing, without a doubt -- understanding, and accepting myself. It is an exhilirating place to be, really, and it is with an open heart and arms that I am welcoming in 2011 and all of its surprises and possibilities.

Cinderella is proof.

That a new pair of shoes can change your life. - Anon

This inspiring photo of J. Crew's creative director Jenna Lyons' wall of shoes, spotted awhile ago on my friend J's amazing blog, urgently reminded me that I needed to devise a way to stylishly display my own collection while making efficient use of space.

Now that Manfriend and I are living together, I can't just have my shoes strewn all over the place (even though, to my defense, they were all arranged in a fairly neat manner on the bedroom floor before). Lucky for him, I (relatively) don't own that many pairs to begin with, or else I highly doubt he would have gifted me a few months' membership to ShoeDazzle, right?...

... right. In any case, he cleared out half of his closet and dropped off a few bags to Goodwill last weekend -- my turn to let go of the old is coming up this weekend and the next. (Or, that's the plan, at least.) I swear I'm not (really) a hoarder but I can already feel the separation anxiety kicking in!

images via

Time after time of your life.

via

She tells me that at least when she was younger she felt lost in her own special way. Now she just feels lost like everyone else.

— Douglas Coupland

via

Your own nature will triumph. We are all born with our natures … And I think back over my own life and I realize that my own nature — the core me — essentially hasn’t changed over all these years. When I wake up in the morning, for those first few moments before I remember where I am or when I am, I still feel the same way I did when I woke up at the age of five.

— Douglas Coupland ○

Lots of sweet holiday treats.

My girlfriend D came over last week and we spent the cold, winter evening filling up the kitchen with sweet smells and girl talk. Nothing like great company and baked goods to make a girl feel all warm and fuzzy inside! It was also a great way to warm me up for my firm's holiday bake-off that Friday.

I borrowed her red velvet cookie recipe for the competition, and added some white chocolate chips to the mix. I also made some festive cupcakes as well, and even though they didn't earn me first place, I received a lot of compliments -- someone even offered to commission me to make some fun cupcakes for their young daughter's next birthday! Sweet. Ingredients and recipes found below!

Red Velvet & White Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 box of red velvet cake mix

2 eggs

1/3 cup oil

1/2 cup of white chocolate chips (you can add more or less to your own liking)

Mix all of the ingredients together to make the cookie dough. Roll into small balls and place on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Flatten down slightly, depending on the thickness you desire. Bake at 375 degrees (you may want to set the oven before you start mixing!) for 8-10 minutes until the tops crackle (or until desire doneness).

Enjoy! (Hint: I'm sure Santa will also enjoy them as an ode to his red and white outfit, *wink, wink*.)

Next came the chocolate cupcakes! All you need to do is follow the instructions provided on the back of the cake mix box. Don't forget to let the cupcakes cool off before you start decorating them!

"Polar Paws" Coconut Chocolate Cupcakes

vanilla frosting

1/2 cup of coconut flakes

large dark chocolate disks

1 bag of M&Ms

Pour the coconut flakes onto a medium-sized plate. Set all the brown M&Ms from the bag aside. Apply the vanilla frosting on desired number of chocolate cupcakes. Take each cupcake and lightly (and evenly) press the frosted side onto the coconut flakes to create the "white fur". To make the chocolate disks and M&Ms "stick" better onto the coconut, simply pat very small amounts of frosting on the back to "glue" the paws onto each cupcake.

"Candy Cane" Chocolate Mint Cupcakes

Vanilla frosting

Red and green food coloring

Candy canes

Mix red and green food coloring with the vanilla frosting until the desired color is achieved. Spread evenly over the top of each cupcake. Crush up a candy cane into smaller pieces. (You may want to cover the candy with a napkin to avoid having the candy bits fly everywhere!) Sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle! (You can also stick whole candy canes directly into the cupcakes for an even more festive look.)

Some say the world will end in fire.

No matter what happens. Let there still be love, always.

Taking the first steps.

There are days where I don't feel sufficiently ambitious. Days where I don't feel like being competitive or cutthroat, largely because I find it to be rather exhausting. That and truth be told, I don't particularly care to be. Whereas some may enter competitions for the sole purpose and satisfaction of winning and bragging about it, I personally think that on certain levels, unnecessarily competitive people are the way they are due to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. They must know that they are better than the next person, and perhaps even more important than the knowing, there must be others around to recognize their greatness accordingly -- to reward them, and reassure them. The law is filled with these types. The law nurtures these types.

And even though I am perfectly aware that my firm's culture is significantly much more collegial than the majority of the other law firms out there, the fact still remains that I do not enjoy being an uncreative, rule-conforming corporate slave, day in and day out. I regularly crave something more -- something else -- but, perhaps, therein lies my problem: I am always craving for something more, and something else. Such is the life of the restless, I guess.

With January marking my two-year anniversary here, I keep thinking to myself that there's a reason why I am currently not in law school as planned. There's a reason why I keep delaying the process, and it's a reason worth acknowledging and listening to. I know I shouldn't feel guilty about letting others down -- I am extremely grateful to have learned and gained so much during my time here -- but I do. There's a certain sense of fear and apprehension that comes with the realization that I am in the process of getting lost again -- of starting down a new path in the new year, with only the slightest hint of where I want to go, with only the slightest glimpse of what I want to do. But sometimes, even the smallest sliver is enough to hope -- to believe -- that the road ahead is just as great as the one you left behind.

A work in progress.

Manfriend and I have been talking about redoing and redecorating our little love nest lately. A few cabinet lights here, a new bookcase there. We also need to get rid of his empty aquarium and that age-old television set in our room as soon as possible... {prints from graphic designer Therese Senneholt}
I was semi-bracing myself for a possible clash in aesthetics, but come to find out, the Mister and I both have similar tastes, which makes these upcoming changes and home improvement projects truly exciting to look forward to. Who knows what will happen once we start getting down and dirty, though... I'll let the animal print and hot pink pillows go, but filling up the house with framed prints and photos is a battle I'm totally fighting (and winning).

But first things first: we are thinking of repainting the walls white, white, white. Whereas some people might find the color too sterile and cold, I have always taken quite a liking to it. I have been browsing the web for inspiration and, although many of these photos look slightly too staged and entirely too sophisticated to truly feel like a comfortable "home" to me, I admire each owner's commitment to creating and keeping such beautiful living spaces. I can't wait to get started!

{via apartment therapy}

{via atlantis home}

{via flickr}

The power of words.

I have always been in love with words; the way they look like in different languages, the way they sound like when they roll off the tip of my tongue.

As a child, I would have a weekly favorite, using and re-using it as often as I could, and then immediately jumping ship once I discovered a new one I liked. That was, and still is, the beauty of words. There were so many, and perhaps sometimes, there were too many. Words were lovely, and words were fun. They gave shape and colors to my ideas and dreams, and they gave my heart and imagination a song and story.

Yes, we've always had a great, grand love affair, those words and me. They were always mine to do and play with as I pleased. And yet these days, I find myself resenting them. Resenting them quite profoundly, actually.

I resent them as I struggle to find the right words to express my interest in a particular position at a particular company, without sounding too eager or jaded or bitter. I resent them for the monotony and dryness they bring to my days while I sit at my desk, not wanting to draft yet another response to yet another request. I resent them for not allowing me to say what I really want to say, when and to whom and exactly how I want to say it. I resent them for not coming to me when I really need them to be there for me.

But I resented them the most when someone very dear to me used them to slice and cut through me like paper to skin recently; quickly, almost unnoticeably, but immensely painful and bothersome when the realization slowly sank in. And for the very first time, I did not hate that dear someone for recklessly and thoughtlessly throwing those words at me like spears and arrows.

For the very first time, I hated those very words for even existing, for allowing her to tell me what she told me. I hated those words for not being neutral; for taking sides, and for not being on mine.

Today I resent you. Tomorrow, I'll try to love you again.

Getting into the mood.

{I know how to touch all the right buttons.}

Despite attending a fun firm holiday party this past Friday night (the first of three this season), I haven't really been in the mood lately -- the festive Christmas mood, that is! Ahem. This could probably be due to the fact that I literally spent the first few days of December fighting off a cold and ended up sleeping away about 75% of my weekend instead of being out and about like last year.

I did, however, tried getting into the holiday spirit by cooking up a meal filled with green and red bell peppers tonight, and we also insulated our windows and put up some Christmas lights as well. In addition to decorating our tree and stockings, and baking and cooking up a (snow)storm in the next upcoming days and weeks, there are plenty of holiday events around the city I'd love to be able to cross off my to-do list as well. Am sincerely hoping some friends and family can join us!

1) Freeze while we breeze through ICE!

2) Take a stroll through the Garden of Lights at Brookside Gardens

3) Wish I could dance like the ballerinas in The Nutcracker

4) Celebrate this Seasons Greenings at the U.S. Botanic Garden

5) Reveling in the musical Joy of Christmas at the National Cathedral

Home is where the heart is.

With each loving, morning kiss received and given, I am continually reminded of how much I love and am loved by him. Our relationship continues to grow and deepen and is developing into something quite unique and amazing.

I am infinitely thankful.

...

He was away on business until this past Wednesday, and, whereas I was still living with my family whenever he was out of town on past trips, his absence was painfully felt much more stronger this time around, as I came home alone to an empty place each night.

The bed seemed to swallow me whole as I tried to fall asleep, reaching over to no one and nothing as I tossed and turned and yearned for him. Even the rainy, dreary weather seemed to be crying along with me at the time.

...


I am still trying to settle into these new quarters, transforming what's his and mine into what's ours, while carefully still maintaining our own personal identities and spaces... but in the midst of these transitions, there is also a certain sense of calmness to the chaos, safely enveloping everything in a soft, familiar comfort.

I want to build a home with this man, and in this home I want weekly fresh flowers in bright and beautiful colors. I want warm, delicious smells to greet every person walking through the door. I want this home, and the next, to harbor lots of love, laughter and memories with family and friends.

I want it all.


And I am working every day towards getting it.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2010: PHOTOS!

God. Are these women even human?

Well, no, of course not. They're angels. Hur, hur, hur!... uh-hum. *clears throat*. In any case, there's not much for me to say, except that I TiVo'ed the show and watched it three times last night. Could. Not. Stop. Ogling! Still can't stop ogling, actually, but considering it's National Be A Creeper Day, I think I'm okay for the day.

... thank God for my privacy screen at work, *shifty eyes*.


Thanks, CBS, for all the gorgeous visuals.